It is a strange time as I see many relationships in my life break open.
For a moment I stopped and wondered about the word “break open”, which suddenly appeared on the screen in front of me. And yes – I think this word is exactly right for what is happening. Old bonds between people break open and what is hidden is coming to the surface.
In my own life, I currently experience what happens if I let go of the desire to control or manipulate my surroundings. It requires me to observe my own relationship patterns and frankly, I may only be in the beginning of this endeavour, as I see some new little schemes every day. None of it is willful, of course. It is just the things everyone does for keeping up appearances. Like the TV series I used to watch many years ago, about a woman who pretended to be “upper class”, even though nothing in their environment was even remotely reminiscent of nobility, and yet she managed to live the illusion and coerced everyone to play along. ( Wasn’t her name Mrs Bucket, but she corrected everyone to pronounce it “Bouquet” ? 🙂 )
Of course, one sees these patterns much clearer in another person, before detecting them in myself. For some time now, I have been quietly observing others bending their reality, the “what is”, to fit their own image of themselves. And a little bit thereafter, I started to see what I do to build and support my own illusionary structures.
I watch myself and observe my own impulse to step in, to interfere, to not listen or to correct according to my own desire to nudge a relationship towards it’s imagined purpose. I have let go and observe what is happening when I do not interfere – or otherwise at least recognise when I do so.
It is astounding to see how everything balances out. There are people coming closer who I have never been very close to and others, some times lifelong friendships, are suddenly much more distant. There are people who seem to drift away, and there are others coming into my life and take the stage now. Nothing of it is dramatic, even tough sometimes I am simply flabbergasted and ask myself what is happening here.
Relationships are a mirror of our own conditioning and patterns, based on past experiences. It is very revealing to take the time and look closer, simply to see what it is that is has been bringing us together – and is now holding us in the connection. Nothing is coincidental, and nothing we do or nobody we meet, does not have a certain role to play in our life.
What I experience in my own environment tough is often less harmonious. I see currently many relationships break open, personally and professionally, and some of it appears quite dramatic. I look at it and ask myself again what is happening here, as many of these relations have been working for many years. No longer. They break open, erupt and the ties blow up. I can also see what makes such break-ups traumatic – it is simply the impulse to grasp and hold on to, what is no longer meant to be together. I am amazed at the sheer force of it and I am astounded regarding the ubiquitousness.
To observe myself in relation to others means to meet myself. A practice of being honest with oneself will step by step reveal beliefs and identifications, but also what is looming underneath, which is basically is a sense of lack, each of us tries to compensate. My own pattern for co-dependency – or to support someone else’s illusion – bubble up, as well as my own preferences to build an image, a golden calf, I can spend my days to worship and idolise.
Nothing of it is scary or awkward or even humiliating. It is what is and I took on some habits because I did not know it any better. It is what is in the way and now I can see it, so I let go of it – and as I said: I think this is only the beginning.
A brave new world, indeed.