Brave new world

Being in my dream ( photo by Catrin)

It is a strange time as I see many relationships in my life break open.

For a moment I stopped and wondered about the word “break open”, which suddenly appeared on the screen in front of me. And yes – I think this word is exactly right for what is happening. Old bonds between people break open and what is hidden is coming to the surface.

In my own life, I currently experience what happens if I let go of the desire to control or manipulate my surroundings. It requires me to observe my own relationship patterns and frankly, I may only be in the beginning of this endeavour, as I see some new little schemes every day. None of it is willful, of course. It is just the things everyone does for keeping up appearances. Like the TV series I used to watch many years ago, about a woman who pretended to be “upper class”, even though nothing in their environment was even remotely reminiscent of nobility, and yet she managed to live the illusion and coerced everyone to play along. ( Wasn’t her name Mrs Bucket, but she corrected everyone to pronounce it “Bouquet” ? 🙂 )

Of course, one sees these patterns much clearer in another person, before detecting them in myself. For some time now, I have been quietly observing others bending their reality, the “what is”, to fit their own image of themselves. And a little bit thereafter, I started to see  what I do to build and support my own illusionary structures.

I watch myself and observe my own impulse to step in, to interfere, to not listen or to correct according to my own desire to nudge a relationship towards it’s imagined purpose. I have let go and observe what is happening when I do not interfere – or otherwise at least recognise when I do so.

It is astounding to see how everything balances out. There are people coming closer who I have never been very close to and others, some times lifelong friendships, are suddenly much more distant. There are people who seem to drift away, and there are others coming into my life and take the stage now. Nothing of it is dramatic, even tough sometimes I am simply flabbergasted and ask myself what is happening here.

Relationships are a mirror of our own conditioning and patterns, based on past experiences. It is very revealing to take the time and look closer, simply to see what it is that is has been bringing us together – and is now holding us in the connection. Nothing is coincidental, and nothing we do or nobody we meet, does not have a certain role to play in our life.

What I experience in my own environment tough is often less harmonious. I see currently many relationships break open, personally and professionally, and some of it appears quite dramatic. I look at it and ask myself again what is happening here, as many of these relations have been working for many years. No longer. They break open, erupt and the ties blow up. I can also see what makes such break-ups traumatic – it is simply the impulse to grasp and hold on to, what is no longer meant to be together. I am amazed at the sheer force of it and I am astounded regarding the ubiquitousness.

To observe myself in relation to others means to meet myself. A practice of being honest with oneself will step by step reveal beliefs and identifications, but also what is looming underneath, which is basically is a sense of lack, each of us tries to compensate. My own pattern for co-dependency – or to support someone else’s illusion – bubble up, as well as my own preferences to build an image, a golden calf, I can spend my days to worship and idolise.

Nothing of it is scary or awkward or even humiliating. It is what is and I took on some habits because I did not know it any better. It is what is in the way and now I can see it, so I let go of it – and as I said: I think this is only the beginning.

A brave new world, indeed.

About Michaela

I am a wanderer and a wonderer, like you are. I love our journey and to walk in the company of friends – to learn, experience, share, laugh, cry and above all I simply love this marvelous, magical, mysterious life. I have no plan (cannot believe I am saying this) and my only intention is to be truthful to myself and others.
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10 Responses to Brave new world

  1. Birgit says:

    Good morning to you michaela,
    thank you so much for sharing!

  2. Michaela says:

    Good morning, Birgit.
    Thank you so much for visiting & commenting.
    And being 😉

  3. Dreamfable says:

    “Relationships are a mirror of our own conditioning and patterns, based on past experiences.”I never looked at my relations this way. Come to think of it I see that it could develop into a interesting analysis.

    The way that close ones behave in their relationship with me.
    The groups of people I like to be around.
    The friends I ones had and still have.

    Can we say that there are two kind of relationships?
    One: The people we like to be around with and the people we have to be/deal (like work) with?

    With Love

    Raoef

  4. Michaela says:

    I wouldn’t call it that much analysis – which to me includes interpretation – but rather observation and deep enquiry ( set aside the first thought and go deeper until the answer comes).

    Everyone in our lives plays a “role”. Friends, enemies and everyone in between. By observing them, we directly experience our own thinking, feelings, emotions and based on it we interpret and react. What appears as different relationship on the outside, is basically pointing to one thing over and over again – my own relationship with myself.

    People I like – there may be a subtle difference. Is it that I like them because they cooperate to uphold the illusion I have about myself (and vice versa), or is it a real and deep affection ( I know, it is mostly something in between, so just for the sake of an example). Usually what I like in the other is what I need to develop myself. When I am open, this information flows freely. I have no need to guard my own instincts, as well as no desire to interpret the behaviour of the other in any way differently from what it is.

    People I don’t like – oh, they point directly to what I am trying to cover up ! So much easier to see….even tough it can be perceived as humiliating (by the ego) 🙂

    This is not easy because there are so many layers. But it is a great learning experience.

  5. Martina says:

    Thank you Michaela.
    To see relationships “break open” is my observation too. To “break up” may have a negative connotation & is different. Initial discomfort, contraction, grief, sadness & grasping to hold on, then softens into acceptance & letting go. I say “softens” because it doesn’t feel harsh once this point has been reached.
    A sense that “something” has changed, but the still space of the relationship stays the same ? Subtle.

  6. Michaela says:

    Yes, and there is a certain vulnerability that goes along with it, isn’t it.
    And this vulnerability is precious…

    • Martina says:

      Quite a big vulnerability. Confusing & yet full of potential.

      • Lilli says:

        Exactly. This vulnerability enables us to explore fields we had not even recognized before,, shows us new perspectives. Isn’t vulnerability a great source of creativity ?

  7. Mike Shaw says:

    I think “break open” is a good characterization. I was in this writing group where we critiqued each other’s work. Yikes! Suddenly I could do this no more. All the delicate egos, and me walking on eggshells and having to show “my knowledge,” and so on. It’s strange in a way. One moment I’m part of a group, the next minute (after Eckhart) I’m running for the hills.
    Thanks for the insight, Michaela!
    Mike
    Living bravely in a new world…

  8. Michaela says:

    I call it “living a life suspended upside down”..lol

    One does get used to the different perspective after a while.

    Thanks for your comment. I think this is what also happened to me – just could not do it and walked out. Glorious feeling ( albeit somewhat confusing)

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