Its 1.30 am here and the deathly silence is broken by a clear bird song. I am listening to the greatest of all composers. A composer that never plays the same tune again. I have to thank my unconscious need for stimulation for having kept me up till now but a short while ago, I was chiding myself gently for being taken over by the “need for stimulation”. I go through these spells once in a while. Acceptance is seeping through the many layers of it. Television and the internet are the two main sources of it. Food comes in a close second and the need for sensory stimulation comes a close third. Once the wheels are set in motion, its hard to pull away.
This also happens when there is over-indulgence of food in my life, which was the case over the Christmas period and I can almost feel the momentum slow down as each day passes by. So I learn that over-indulgence leads to a craving for stimulation, especially when it is corrected. Its not even that I deny food, just that food doesn’t have the same power over me anymore but my senses crave for stimulation in any form.
At the same time, professionally I have just seen quite a few deaths recently (“natural or expected!”….. come on people!). I dont know if it is a co-incidence but each encounter with death seemed to slow the momentum further. Nearly all expected and one very unexpected, which was that of a colleague who retired. 2 months into her retirement she drops dead! She had been a health fanatic. The only certainty is death.
Its easy when writing to see the logical sequence of events which wasn’t apparent until before. Fighting off sleep I add stimulation into my system, all the time being dimly aware I dont need this stimulation. Observing it seems to do nothing so I choose to go into it completely and that is how I see it slowing down. Day by day the sleep pattern is correcting itself.
So this early morning journey into contemplation has brought me to the junction of Stimulation, Sleep and Death. Many a times I have hung in that limbo and watched a stimulating thought meet death, and in meeting death my body surrenders to sleep.
Sleep well my friends.