The Living Room

When the mind is still, it is the perfect mirror.

Posted on August 21, 2010 by Michaela

If there are no thoughts or ideas to cloud the image, the reflection is clear and undisturbed. A quiet mind is like the surface of a lake on a calm day. If it is holding thougths or ideas, the reflection gest disturbed and the image distorted. Continue reading →

Posted in The Window Seat | Tagged mind, mirror, quiet, reflection, stillness | 1 Comment

Resonance

Posted on August 20, 2010 by Michaela

Feel the music

The Pastorale brought into being by Daniel Barenboim

Beethoven, Sonata no.15, op.28 (Pastorale)

Posted in Classical Music, Music & Movies | Leave a comment

On feeling the pain

Posted on August 20, 2010 by Michaela

Conversation between Geli and Michaela

M: Hi Geli

A: Hi Michaela

M: What would you like to talk about today ?

A: I would like to contemplate on the following: Is it a prerequisite in the process of wakening to our genuine nature that we meet and experience our repressed pain?

M: I think the only prerequisite to awakening is to be ready to see and “meet” everything as it is. That includes feelings and pain. Of course, some experiences have been very painful and the memories of being hurt are hidden. It is like they are stored away somewhere in the basement. The egoic mind can pretend they are not there, but in reality they are festering.

A: I am asking because I was very resistant for a long time to really look within myself.
I can remember that I had recurring dreams, especially since I started following Eckhart´s teachings, of grand mansions where one or more rooms were locked. I knew this rooms were inhabited by ghosts or evil spirits. Sometimes I felt them attacking the closed door from the other side. This was very menacing and I was shell shocked. I was quite surprised and relieved hearing John Welwood mentioning this kind of dreams which are pointing to repressed parts of our personality.
The dreams have stopped, since I experience eruptions of body sensations, which out of an reflex I first resist instantly.

M: I love your imagination and symbolism. My experience is usually much more direct and immediate. But it is true, the body talks to us in images. Sometimes it is easier to look at a symbol rather than the real thing. What is more, if something is coming up in a dream, the message usually includes the “solution” too. But it is often just too painful or frightening to really look at it. However, if you are ready to take the experience in your stride – which means to consciously accept the pain – then there is no more need for symbolism. It is what it is – blocked energy due to some old emotional trauma. It sits there and it hurts, because the energy cannot flow freely.

A: What I haven´t been able yet to figure out is, if there is a more gentle way to meet my pain – body. Usually it comes up in situations where I am busy doing something else, like shopping groceries or cooking. I would be very happy to find a way to let the pain within me get unpacked in a period of “alone-time”.
I was asking myself, if this means that I want to control the process?
But that is not really it. It is more a practical consideration. I often feel squeezed by the pain attacks, especially if they come out of me when I am not alone, or in public. It seems to be too complex for me to understand.

M: I think I know what you are talking about. I had something similar for weeks – a constant nervousness and this tight feeling in my throat. Whatever I did, it would not dissolve. Until I realised that I wanted it to go away :-). Well, guess what – the more I “wanted” to get rid of it, the more it attached to me. So the solution was to just accept it and go right into the “feeling”. The trick was just to stay with it as long as it would take. I also do this when I build up resistance against someone, or when I am in public, or meet someone. Usually it is enough to notice it, acknowledge it and fully embrace it.

Do these pain attacks come out more in public or in private ?

A: They just have come up rather randomly in last three weeks likewise in public or in private. I do not like them to come up (lol), if I am very busy with something else. Now that I think about it, they seem to come up if I am in stress or if I put myself under pressure. Do this attacks need my pressure or resistance to call them up?

M: Actually, I think it is panic attacks. Panic attacks are a physical reaction to a “thought”, that may be triggered by a person or a situation. They have a tendency to be incredibly tedious and come up in exactly the “wrong” moment. They feed on the energy of “not wanting something” and cause a stress reaction. So in a way, these attacks do need your resistance (or saying NO to something) to be called up.

A: Ja. In retrospect I realize, that they are indeed re-actions to “others” or tasks I seemingly have to perform and actually do not want to. Since I consider myself to be a nice and open person, I cannot allow myself to even respond with a “quality no”. OMG. Actually I am neither a 100% nice nor a 100 % open person. But I have learned that opposing “others” is dangerous, so I rather attack myself than them? Can it be that?

M: Well, there may be many reasons for that and actually – are you ready for this – it is NOT important ! The only important thing is to recognise when you are in resistance and to fully accept the feeling. Embrace it, feel it, follow the energy and feel what is behind it. The moment you create a “story” around it, there is a new fixation point and a new possibility for the ego to want or do not want something. When you convince yourself that you cannot say no, then this is what you become. So better not to create a story and just fully accept the sensation. Stay with it as long as it takes and maybe observe the relation to other people or places. Not to find the reason, but to recognise the pointers.

From my own experience, the hardest part is to stay with your own stress-reaction without creating a story around it.

A: I agree. I do not want to write an essay about my “rotten” personality.
I rather accept it. Not that I am happy about it, but I can accept it finally, gradually.

Besides this I have come to understand that, even though I have lived a quite abundant life style, in terms of income and money, I usually re-act out of a place of lack.
I have tried to fill this deficiency with attention from others.
Eckhart doesn´t get tired of pointing to Stillness as the Source of All that Is.
Now I have chosen to be with Stillness rather than expecting other one´s affection and attention.

M: The “rotten” personality is just what your ego is whispering in your ear. The job is not to “judge”, but to accept. But the true pointer is what you are saying about reacting from a place of lack. This is what I have found under all sorts of reactive and compensatory behaviour of my lovely personality. A place of lack. This is what I never wanted to look at and this is what has been “running my life”, if you will. To be in stillness is the pointer, because suddenly there is no lack and to experience it, is eye opening. If lack is in me, than there is also fullness.

A: The fullness is underneath or behind the lack, as it is the Source of all Being and all form.
Thank you very much indeed for your time and space, Michaela!

M: Precisely. It’s all about finding that fullness.
It has been lovely as always. Thank you for your time and space, Geli.

August 20th, 2010

Posted in On the sofa, Toaster & Fridge | Tagged Anxiety attack, awakening, letting go, suppressed emotions, surrender, symbolism | 1 Comment

On the sofa with Amy

Posted on August 20, 2010 by Michaela

A conversation between Amy and Michaela

M: Hello Amy, I am here. It’s a nice and clear morning in Vienna. How are you ?

A: Good morning! Happy Friday. I’m settled into bed with my laptop after another extraordinary day on the planet. So odd, you and I in this same exact moment, at opposites end of the day. I get such a wonderful feeling of the Universe just thinking about that.

M: You are right. The cool thing is that I can watch the words and sentence forming. It is much more than a chat, because indeed – we are sharing one moment, connecting real time. I love to do it this way – it is like a space is opening up between the two of us and the boundaries are no longer so – “real and palpable”.

A: I think I read in one of the threads that you have a twin?

M: Not me, I have 2 sisters and one brother. But I have twin nieces. Are you a twin ?

A: I am. Large family as well, the twin, a younger sister, three older brothers. Just realizing I don’t know much about your life. Do you live in England?

M: I live in Austria. Its not so important to know the outer circumstances. Here it is about connecting and “feeling” our way into communicating with each other.

A: Well, in that vein, I’d like share something that happened today at work. I’ve been reflecting on Presence Power, really serious about putting the practice to work in my life. I work at hospital. Changes are happened around health care reform, people losing their jobs, the economy overlay, the mood is quite tense. Some little arguments come up, coworkers acting out their anxiety, sharing the negativity –sudden we heard an unforgettable crying in the hall. Our office is next door to the Cardiac Catheterization Lab. Someone’s husband had just passed away, not 10 feet away from where I was sitting, through the concrete walls. It was one of those vertical moments in life, when the impermanence shatters all of the other nonsense. I never felt so at one with every one. You know?

M: Yes, suddenly be reminded of the impermanence. It can be scary to feel the truth of that sometimes, don’t you think ?

A: Scary.. no, I’d say more “raw,” “real.” It is an intimate feeling to me.

M: Yes, I think I know that “rawness”. It got a little time to get used to it. Where do you feel it, actually ?

A: Where in my body… it feels like a big rush in my lungs, like a huge breath of life, I become so acutely aware of my breathing and being alive in that moment, that’s how I felt today. Suddenly I just stop thinking about anything, the sound of her deep, deep sorrow; it was really amazing, exquisitely sorrowful and beautiful at the same time. Wow…

M: The cry of believing to have “lost” love perhaps ? This is what your description of her deep sorrow reminds me of. A sudden realisation of a deep – and seemingly permanent – lack. A lack that may have been sated by the other for a time. This is what this reminds me of.

A: After a time, a space to reflect about this as I feel safe and secure at home, I realize how fortunate this lady was to have loved someone enough in life to feel that way. Letting the fear of experiencing such intense pain with a loss like, that’s the real tragedy. I am quick to add, with the exception of my parents, a friend in high school, and my nephew, I haven’t come close to that much pain.

M: This rawness is that pain. It is grief, or rather grievance about the loss of being united with someone. Of course, this is a projection – because this intense pain reminds us about our own “loss” – being congruent, or being completely loved and sated by ourselves. Does that resonate with you ?

A: Yes, it does. I think that’s the connection, why I felt so much connection. The truth is that every living thing that comes into existence must go, dissolve. Knowing that and feeling that, quite a different experience.

M: Of course. One cannot only “awaken” in the mind – there is always an “equivalence” in the body. Where we feel the pain, that is the pointer. That is the “original sin”, so to speak. The physical representation of our illusionary belief that we are able to love ourselves so fully and completely, as we want to be loved by others.

A: Thank you, Michaela, for reminding me of that. As you know, with my conditioning from childhood trauma, a connection to my body has been lost to me much of my life. I am so, so grateful for all of those souls who helped me return home. ET and the forum have played a huge part.

M: I think you are touching on an important point. The connection to the body. I have always been a rather “brainy” person and had to discover the language of my body. I continue to be surprised how accurate it is. It was really much about allowing and sensing what is going on. All the energies, feelings, emotions, but also feeling this marvellous organism doing its work. So feeling such grievance ,as you did, is a pointer straight home. Did you perhaps find out what is “behind” it ?

A: Hum… today’s experience was one of those “wow, I thought I was being so present,” just to find out I had totally gone unconscious in the ordinary day to day pettiness in the office. So much for intention ;-).

M: Oh, I know…smile. Following a thought and presence is gone. Actually – you may have seen Geli mentioning John Welwood’s work ? He is focusing on the “opening of the heart”, which I think is a much misunderstood term. In particular, I am thinking about “Perfect love, imperfect relationships”. I am mentioning it, because there are some practical exercises, that may be very helpful for you at this stage.

A: Wonderful. Thank you. Off to Amazon.com I go then. Wow, a very nice visit indeed. Hope your Friday is delightful.

M: Amy, this has been lovely. Thank you so much. In particular, thank you for sharing your experience. To witness such pain and grief is definitely something that is real – and something to explore. Good night and happy dreams.

Posted in On the sofa | Tagged death, grief, grievance, impermanence, Presence | 1 Comment

Not knowing is true knowledge

Posted on August 18, 2010 by Michaela

A conversation between Justme and Michaela

From the tao te ching

Verse 71:

Not knowing is true knowledge

Presuming to know is a disease

First realize that you are sick;

then you can move towards health

The Master is her own physician,

She has healed herself of all knowing.

Thus she is truly whole.

M: Often I have heard you say not knowing means “everything must be met and seen for the first time”. What does that really mean? Let’s start to do this right now, in this conversation. You are going to meet me now for the first time. How does that work for you?

J: So lets start with what we are told. There is only now, there is no past and there is no future. This is what we are told. Now forget about what we are told and go back to what we perhaps ‘know’. We know that we have a past and a future and when we look at all our troubles and lack and limitation we know that lack and limitation only takes place when we look for something in the future or fear (or something similar like regrets etc) something in the past. If we ask ourselves what do I need right now (this very moment) right now this exact moment – then the answer always comes back saying nothing- we need nothing right NOW!

Therefore using our experience of this we can say ‘all my concepts about life are based on what I think I know and they are based on past accumulations or future fears and expectations’ – none of these things are based on reality on on my thoughts about reality. I now know this and can meet the person place or thing for the very first time- if I forget to do this dosent ultimately change this truth but will cause insecurity and lack because I am participating in unreality and therefore because it has no substance it will have to cause error.

So I am ready to meet you.

M: It sounds to me there is a lot of “forgetting” to do, before I can meet you without any preconceived notions. How to do this for real ? What you are saying is – move into the NOW whenever you meet someone. OK, I am in the NOW, I am in this moment, I know intellectually there is no past or future, but in reality I have not “ forgotten” what I know, as the mental engrams have not been eradicated. I am just in a balanced and relatively open-minded state. What happens next ?

J: If you read my answer you would see there is no forgetting to do! It is remembering, thats all. Remember when you feel pressure or have worries that when you look at where these worries etc come from, you will see they are based in the past or the future. That is not forgetting that is remembering or being present and aware ! When you remember to be aware and see that all trouble is based in something in the future or the past then you KNOW not through power or might but through experience that it is so, you didnt take on a new belief, you understand through experience. So the truth is ‘ Nothing exists in the future or the past all error and lack and limitation is when I believe this to be untrue ‘

If a person can look at their experiences and see if the above is true then experience is the perfect master and a person will soon understand this to be true. When they understand this and experience it to be true they understand they can never do anything else but meet a person or thing for the very first time!

They might think they can and also experience error because they forget this truth but that does not mean it is not true and as soon as they remember, all previous beliefs are seen to be unreal and unimportant.

‘All past and future is not real and therefore is the cause or error , to remember this immediately frees one from the error.’

M: So what you are saying is really what is stated in the quote from the tao te ching above.

Presuming to know is a disease

First realize that you are sick;

then you can move towards health

First I must understand that all I believe to know is based on “knowledge”, from a different context. It is what I have learned from experiences in the past and it is no longer applicable and I need to fully embrace that this is actually true. But as you say – when I am in presence, I realise that indeed there is no past and no future, so anything that has happened before this moment – or will happen thereafter, is at this point is nothing but projecting mind-activity. This is true regarding my opinions about you, as well as my beliefs. OK, I think I follow you so far.

But I have a question now: How does this being “open-minded” change the quality of the interaction from what it was before ? If I do not rely on the content of my mind to navigate the experience, what else is there to guide me through the exchange ?

J: We as human beings are at different degrees of density. We can vary as human beings and also at different times are density is at different levels. Firstly we must understand there is two facets to our lives. 1 the spiritual being which is our true nature. 2, The human being or mind, ego etc.

When we talk like I am now it is from the 2nd description, which is ultimately a shadow and bears no substance.

So as spiritual beings we navigate between the spiritual dimension and the lower gross human level. We can bring the spiritual truth into a situation (so to speak , actually we do nothing) from time to time and we ‘feel’ when this is true. It may happen only in certain situations or once in a lifetime depending on whether we are completed engrossed in the 2nd state or whether we can from time to time allow our spiritual dimension to be seen.

By understanding the above even a little bit it provides freedom from the mind which is our biggest problem (hell is here because we chose it to be here) , when we have freedom of mind we can allow the truth to come trough. When we hear truth and feel truth we feel connected which in turn allows us to rise higher and away from the gross imagined state called ego or my mind.

We just need to remember !

When you expect nothing and do not look for guidance but meet it/the person for the first time what ever happens happens .

M: I would argue that practice does not hurt either, like observing the movement of the ego. The more I do that, the funnier it gets. My ego is actually a great source of entertainment to me. In it’s defence, I have to say it does actually comply with many of the realities of living a life suspended upside down (by being quiet and non-reactive most of the time). But it would not understand how it could meet and see you for the first time. We have had so many previous debates and arguments. The ego can only deal with the known and cannot imagine otherwise.

So to change the old habit, it has to be quiet for a moment and move aside. Then I look at your words and soon something else is coming in. It does not really matter if your words are written out of ego or not, because if I care to listen, I will find that truth is always there. It is just a matter of actually being receptive to it and “read between the lines”, which is not an intellectual process.

To say it differently, words convey an intellectual message but there is always much more information resonating. Its a little bit like ultrasound – when I am attuned to the frequency, I am able to perceive the information.

So it is really a matter of “listening” to each other. What does that mean to you ?

J: I was getting ready to disagree with you but I cant.

Thats it. We are ego and we cant go anywhere but when we know this it releases us and frees us. Then we can listen. When we listen we hear because its like listening for the first time- no baggage.

Says the ego to the ego.

M: I get it. So to meet someone for the first time means to “listen” to them beyond what has been said.

And in this context, what does the remainder of the verse mean ?

The Master is her own physician,

She has healed herself of all knowing.

Thus she is truly whole.

J: Sees that she knows nothing..and that second she is free and the miracle takes place.

M: Does that work for you or are we missing something ?

J: It works for me but we are so full of ego we forget. When we remember and move out of the way, well I suspect you said that ‘did it work for you ‘ comment with sarcasm but it did and does…

You have your mind made up about me Michaela yet you know nothing of me.

M: No, it was not sarcasm. But I think we are missing something. If I had made up my mind about you, I probably would no longer be talking to you. The strange thing is that communicating this way helped me to listen to you. So I am very much used to meeting you for the first time. And I hear you.

So how about you ? Have you made up your mind about me ?

J: Depends what way I am ‘feeling’ at any given time. That’s why it all doesn’t really matter.

M: What you ‘feel’ may be the accurate information though. The question however is – are you ‘hearing’ me or are you ‘hearing’ yourself ? I think that matters a great deal…

J: Well if I approach you with the knowledge I don’t know then the outcome should be real.

M: Exactly. If you approach me “not knowing”, but in complete openness (open-minded and open-hearted), the outcome will be real. “Without knowing”, we don’t control what is happening – until the ego comes back in, with all the baggage. And from that day on we (egos) just argue and try to control each other. So why is that ?

J: The thing that does that, is called simply, habit. We have been projected upon and gathered baggage and it is that which we are comfortable with most. When habit comes in, we have to have stability in what we know and we forget that what we know has no substance. We ignore this fact and use our prejudice to form opinion no matter how subtle and it is difficult to approach one another without coming from a starting point which has no reality and has no prejudice. We get off to a bad start so to speak or in-between we forget and once again resume our prejudiced view- which starts from ‘I know’.

M: Yes, and what is creeping in is fear. What would happen if I no longer have control over my life ( as if one ever had control anyway). What are the consequences of opening up, those are the concerns. “Not knowing” is not an intellectual void. To cease judging is just a part of it. But what “not knowing” really is, is that unprotected openness. And in this space giving is receiving. It is an dynamic exchange, without control.

“Not knowing” means perceiving with the senses, not with the intellect. It needs courage and practice. In such an exchange one is unprotected and there is a certain rawness to it. You are clearly mad, but since you insisted we never speak to each other, we actually may have a chance of figuring this out.

Open-minded, open-hearted. That’s the end of all fear. And that’s what enlightenment is all about.

The Master is her own physician,

She has healed herself of all knowing.

Thus she is truly whole.

J: Some concluding wisdom…

“Become at ease with the state of ‘not knowing.’ This takes you beyond mind because the mind is always trying to conclude and interpret. It is afraid of not knowing.

“So, when you can be at ease with not knowing, you have already gone beyond the mind. A deeper knowing that is non-conceptual then arises out of that state.

“Artistic creation, sports, dance, teaching, counseling — mastery in any field of endeavor implies that the thinking mind is either no longer involved at all or at least is taking second place.”

Posted in On the sofa | Tagged not knowing, tao te ching, true knowledge, truth | 3 Comments

An act of love

Posted on August 18, 2010 by Michaela

Jacqueline du Pré and Daniel Barenboim

Beethoven Sonata No.3 in A – 2nd movement

Since the cello was married to the piano the upholder of moral standards may not have watched so closely…

Posted in Classical Music, Music & Movies | Tagged Beethoven, Cello, communion, Sonata | Leave a comment

On the Sofa with Benno

Posted on August 18, 2010 by Angelika

A: Hello Benno, so nice to have you here! How are doing? How has your day been so far?

B: My day has gone very well, so far.
Whats the advantage of writing to each other, why not just talk?

A: Well, originally Michaela and I wanted to write an article for the blog together. So we tried the shared document function on google docs. We have been sharing documents in past using Skype or google wave.
What we recently have found out is, that exchanging in written, mostly without talking adds a very special silent quality to the exchange. Almost as if we could sense the space behind the words, as Eckhart calls it. When we listen to each others voices this specific silent quality seems to be missing.

B: This is very interesting, because I have also found this to be the case as well, that when I write I seem to have more insight than when I speak.

A: Ja, the insights come up. We have experienced exactly the same. And often the insights were quite a surprise to both of us. Adyashanti wrote about this phenomenon also. He said, that he used to sit down in a Starbucks Coffee shop with a pen and a pad and spent time observing himself and writing the observations down. And while being in this process mind concepts and conditioning unpacked themselves.

B: I wonder if this was noticed by monks in the past , and is why some take the vow of silence?

A: I do not know for sure. I can merely talk for myself. When I do not use my voice to talk, I can not manipulate my dialog partner with the melody of words, or with the accentuation. And there is for sure less noise.
Maybe the silence on the outside resonates with the Stillness within us?

B: Writing seems to allow just enough silent space, which when vocalizing seems to get covered over.

Yes I like the way you put that “Maybe the silence on the outside resonates with the Stillness within us?” I think there is something to this.

A: I agree. This exchange feels very peaceful and relaxing to me.
Could it be that the effect of Stillness gets doubled if two people are in it same time?

B: Yes, that very well could be the case. I wonder if other forum members also experience this?

A: Well, the only other person I have experimented with on this, especially here on google docs, is Michaela. We shall ask her. But as much as I can remember she had kind of the same experience. And for both of us, insights came up while we were writing. It was kind of a self-awareness thing while we were holding the space for each other.
Would you like to talk about this in the forum?

B: Yes I think that after a year on the ET forum , if this is indeed a phenomenon, then there should be others experiencing the same. This type of forum is relatively new in itself, so as an experiment, things may emerge, that are unexpected.

If we are all indeed awakening, the question becomes, how will Life/Totality use this new medium. I feel that this technology has not come to be known at this time randomly, that somehow it will play a huge role in the coming awakening of humanity.

Yes I think this could be a good forum subject.

A: I was wondering about the role of the Internet in the process of awakening. And Eckhart might have wondered about this as well and maybe this is why he gave it a try. I remember that Gregory Zelonka told Michaela and me something about the new possibilities of the world wide web especially in the range of getting people connected with each other.
I was even wondering if the world wide web was an “outside” reflection in the world of form of the connectedness in the realm of being.
Gregory was wondering if a group, which is merely connected via the Internet, can awaken together in what ever kind of group dynamics, that has to yet be discovered and experienced.
So anyways, would you like to make this a thread on the forum?

B: Yes that makes sense to me Geli, great insight.
And yes I think its worth starting a thread on this subject.

A: Thank you very much Benno for this conversation! Hope to meet you again on the Sofa!

B: My pleasure, look forward to our next conversation.

3 Comments

Teaching passion

Posted on August 17, 2010 by Michaela

Daniel Barenboim is teaching Lang Lang to play the Apassionata. It’s beautiful and intense. Thats what a warm teaching is all about – a connection between teacher and student, each receiving and giving at the same time.

Somewhere he is mentioning that Bach’s “Well-Tempered Piano” is the “Old Testament”, while the Beethoven Sonatas are the “New Testament.” Interestingly enough, Beethoven is all I am listening to, these days. So stay tuned…

Masterclass on Beethoven by Barenboim