On the sofa with Sheila

Himmelwiese (literally " sky meadow")

Conversation between Sheila and Michaela

M: Hi Sheila. Good morning. Or rather Good evening to Southern California How are you ?

S: Hello, Michaela. I am doing very well. I took a vacation day and was off today….enjoying some free time.  And you?

M: Yes, very well too – early morning and still dark. It is lovely to be here with you -after so many conversations and interactions on the forum. Finally we get a chance for some real time conversation. How do you feel doing it like this ?

S: I like it! It’s more personal. After some of my discoveries (in waking up) that you were instrumental in, it’s really quite lovely to ‘meet’ you.  Have you been enjoying bringing people  here?  I have really enjoyed reading most of the conversations. Since I rarely get on the computer at night, I do it while I’m at work…..in between time.

M: Yes, this was our hope. From my own experience I can say that nobody should do this “work” alone. Angelika and I have been observing ourselves and others and we have been literally pulled “ to share  and experiment” with others. The internet is a fabulous resource and I am intrigued about the possibility of the written word. Something is always coming through. In particular this “real time” method seems to be quite effective in terms of “connecting” with each other. It feels like “closing a circle”. Do you understand what I mean?

S: Maybe…………what does ‘closing the circle’ mean to you?  In terms of the forum? On the forum, for me, I am able to keep more objectivity to some of the things that go on. I mostly seek out what appeals to me………..and doing this ‘live’ discussion does feel more intimate and real.

M: When I say “ closing the circle”, I mean the experience of “connecting ” to someone. We do this in reality too, whenever we are talking to someone, but then we are maybe not so aware of this connection. It is an observation from interacting with each other on the forum. Somehow I started to have “connections” to several people. It can be quite intense in terms of relating and “understanding” where the other is coming from. Out of this – and my many discussions with Angelika – developed the observation that an exchange of 2 people in presence can be very rich in terms of the information and learning  that is being shared. However, this is not something that is really conscious or controllable. It just happens…in you, in me. Did you notice something like this on occasion ?

S: Oh yes…………..with certain people on the forum I connect with their words and when I see their icon, I will go to read their words immediately. I feel very connected to them.  I’m not a big private messenger.  I don’t know why.  Sometimes the forum can feel ‘clique’ ish to me so I try to post whatever I want to say publicly. You could say I ‘use’ the forum to help me. Also, I have thought about the people I would love to ‘meet’ in person. Throw a big party and get to know each other. But we’re all so darn far away.

Another observation………….you have mentioned recently how you feel more connected to people….I forget what I read exactly, but the impression is you are more open.  I remember when I read that I thought, “I hope I feel that way with everyone some day.”

M:Yes, I it is like you say. It feels to me like “IT” is using the forum….something always pulled me there and after some time I noticed I am learning to “really listen” to people and observe what this does in me. If there is no “physical” information or the normal cues, one can concentrate on what else is coming through. And as I get more and more comfortable, I open up more and more. This gets transferred into the real world too. To me the forum has been an incredible learning opportunity and now we want to take it a step further.

As we are waking up and recognising the “old way of doing things”, many changes occur. This can be confusing and scary. So to connect to others is a big help on many levels, as this process is not always comfortable.

S: Yes, I’ve witnessed your opening up on the forum. I see your courage as well.

Many changes are occuring within for me and I am also drawn to the forum for support and guidance.  A huge barrier was released for me when we had that discussion on my fear and waking up at night.  Since then I feel I have been released. I still have fear at times but I am detached from it…….it doesn’t take me over anymore. It was this connection that helped release me.  How incredible is that?! I am so grateful for this opportunity to wake up now.

And as I change the ‘old way of doing things’ it helps to have this reassurance……a place to lean on….because it is scary…and I still don’t know how it’s going to turn out.

M: Yes, I do remember the discussion. It was at a time when huge chunks of fear and contraction dissolved in me too. Its peculiar, because the last thing I had ever expected to find in myself is fear. 🙂 But there it was…so now you know what is behind all those intrepid people.. :-). But what I noticed was that somehow the energy of “opening up” (which is maybe another word of releasing the contraction of fear) may be a catalyst in others. Somehow some type of resonance may occur in people of similar “wavelength”. It happens automatically. Nothing we really need to do – but we have to make sure we do not stand in the way either.

Fear is such an interesting emotion. I know it by now quite well. It is the “henchman of the ego”, as I call it. Once detached we can observe and I am surprised about the many layers I had – and still have in me. So we will see….I am really getting more and more comfortable with the process itself, as – in retrospect – so many things that did not make sense at all, were spot on.

S: I’ve felt this catalyst (in me) with others awakening and I imagine it works the other way as well. As you write I nod my head (in agreement).

I had a huge underlying fear that woke me up at night…..and now as the layers unfold in my daily life situation, I am being forced and/or driven to face every fear that comes my way in a new way. In the past, I did not recognize it as fear in me……it always seemed external. Now I Know better and there is no turning back. I think that is where ego, self-esteem and humility are coming into play.  And it is more intensely shown in my relationship with my husband. When I was single, it was much easier not to look at myself. I need a good prodding.  lol  🙂

M: Oh, I know. I also need the prodding – I think I actually go and look for it :-). This is such a rich topic Sheila. I think we should continue this discussion of “fear” and how to work with it another time. What do you think ?

For now I really would like to thank you for your patience and stamina to converse with me across 9 hrs of time difference. I wish you a good night !

S: You’re welcome, Michaela. It was so nice to spend some time with you. I was a little worried about the idea…….but next time it will be ‘old hat’. 🙂

I feel a very strong bond with you and so happy to know you.  Maybe it’s that need to be prodded that bonds us.  Have a good day and talk to you soon.  g’night.

About Michaela

I am a wanderer and a wonderer, like you are. I love our journey and to walk in the company of friends – to learn, experience, share, laugh, cry and above all I simply love this marvelous, magical, mysterious life. I have no plan (cannot believe I am saying this) and my only intention is to be truthful to myself and others.
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